Autonomy - Who's Controlling Your Life?

Feb 03, 2025

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From the moment we’re old enough to understand the world around us, we’re told that society runs on principles—and rewards those who do the “right” thing…

Unfortunately… we’ve been sold a lie.

I grew up in a world where the rules were simple: keep your head down, do as you’re told, and everything will work out. If you worked hard, stayed quiet, and followed the script, good things would come your way.

At least, that’s what I was told.

But here’s the problem—I did that… many of us did that… we followed the rules, stayed in line, and waited for the rewards to come.

And… the rewards didn’t come…not to us anyway.

It wasn’t until I started to really look at how the world operates that I realized the rules we’re taught—fairness, justice, and merit—aren’t the rules society actually plays by.

Society’s True Operating System

The world doesn’t run on morality, effort, ethics, or Linux(sorry nerds.) It runs on power, bravado, and networks. I refer to it as the “friends and family plan,” if you remember cell phone plans a few decades ago, this was a way you had FREE unlimited access to those in your inner circle. That’s exactly how the world works.

The people who get ahead aren’t necessarily the smartest, the hardest working, or the most ethical. They’re the ones who understand the unspoken rules of the game—rules no one ever teaches you.

Unfortunately… bravado trumps truth.

Almost always… status/position outweighs effort.

And… connections matter more than competence.

The current system rewards those who can navigate it, not those who believe in it.

Belief is for suckers. (I don’t say that lightly, I’m an optimist, I want to believe!)

I remember realizing this for the first time when I saw someone with less than half my skill and none of my effort get an opportunity I could only dream of—because they knew someone. They played the game, and I was still sitting in the corner, clutching my moral compass, wondering why it wasn’t working.

The Problem With Playing Their Game

When we play by their rules—keeping our heads down, waiting for approval, letting others dictate our path—we’re not actually playing the game… we’re being played.

Every time we work harder to get ahead, we’re feeding a system that thrives on exploitation. Every time we let someone disrespect us “to keep the peace,” we’re teaching them that our needs don’t matter, and they can keep abusing our kindness. Every time we dim our unique light to make someone else feel more comfortable, we’re shrinking ourselves for a world that will never be satisfied.

We can’t win their game because it’s designed for us to lose.

The Exit: Autonomy

Autonomy defined is basically self-governance—this means not only doing what is right without being forced to do so, it also means being your own government.

So the good news is, we don’t have to keep playing by their rules. Real freedom doesn’t come from beating the system—it comes from stepping out of it entirely.

The exit is autonomy.

But, autonomy isn’t taking a share of what others have and running away with it...

We can build something entirely our own, and there’s no limit to what we can make. Be makers, not takers—because the world isn’t a fixed pie where success is zero-sum.

We live in a big earth shaped kitchen where new value can be created from scratch using the ingredients all around us.

Also, and this is huge, we get to bring our values and principles with us. We don’t need to compromise on them, we can still be kind—we don’t have to turn into the people we hate and play their game.

How to Make Yourself Autonomous

Seems simple, but… for many, making a decision without opening up Google or ChatGPT first to see how to choose best is scary. I get it… we want to know how it “should” be done, to have the best chances at success… or so we think.

Everything starts with self-confidence, believing that you can do it, trusting yourself… but here’s a few points that I’ve had to learn the hard way, personally, these are my points, your mileage may vary…

Owning your time. Stop living by someone else’s priorities and desires. Someone else will always want you to do what they want, or make things a certain way… and if you don’t care about it… why should you do it? If they want it so bad… and you don’t… LET THEM DO IT! They will either start doing it themselves, or get over it. (or show their true colors…)

Taking responsibility. Change "why can't I have that, do that, etc" into..."why DON'T I have that, do that, etc..." this shifts your thinking from blaming or feeling powerless, to finding the next thing YOU can change or do differently…. you are in control.

Creating your own value. Whether it’s a business, art, or a personal project, create something no one can take from you. Technology gives us many tools for specifically that purpose, and those opportunities are everywhere, both online and IRL, just make sure it’s something you love doing. Side gigs or even personal growth, build something that’s fully yours. See: self-custody.

Setting boundaries. People will only respect the limits you enforce. Start saying no… start expecting more reciprocation, takers have no limits... Let them walk away if they don’t like it—they were never for you anyway. Boundaries are just rules that you get to set for yourself, and enforce. You’re the boss now… and people will actually respect you more when they see that you respect yourself.

Stopping the copying. Be different… stand out… and stop chasing recognition in systems that don’t value you, or groups that encourage you to become like them to fit in and belong. The more you do what everyone else is doing, the less visible you will become.

Reconnecting with your voice. The world conditions us to shrink, to stay quiet, to blend in, and to listen to advice… there’s tons of bad advice. Start unlearning that. Speak up, stand out, and take up space, but don’t be a jerk about it… and start listening to your own intuition and inner voice.

Real Power Is Created, Not Taken

To sum it all up… here’s the truth: real power doesn’t fight for a bigger piece of someone else’s pie—it builds in a kitchen, it cooks, creates something new, and defines success on it’s own terms.

The world is fluid, and when you step away from the outdated scripts society hands you, you realize how much is possible…

You can write new rules… you can build new systems… you can create value where none existed before. Everything that now exists at one time was just some thing that someone came up with… why not you?

I stopped waiting for the world to hand me anything. I stopped shrinking to fit its expectations… and when I finally stepped off the hamster wheel, and made my life what I wanted it to be… I found something the system could never give me:

I found freedom.

X Spaces - Join us Live!

Hey Rebels!

We had a great live X audio space last week, half a dozen or so of you came and spoke with us, so thanks!

We discussed the importance of building with the right people, and how to find them. If you want to join us this week, and talk about Autonomy, or just hang out with other Rebels… tune in here: