Biases: Wake up and Know Thyself
Humans all have cognitive biases, and thinking we don’t… would be one.
For me, I seem to often approach the world as an engineer would, problem solving/troubleshooting, and logic. Yes, this is a type of bias, but at least it's one I recognize. That being said, I was burdened by many illogical cognitive biases, as many of us are, and we don’t even realize it.
Now that I've warned you about my technical approach, I'll continue.
In mechanical systems, a biasing spring applies a constant force to hold a component in specific positions.
In electronics, a bias voltage is applied to transistors or diodes to set them before they are put into use.
In sensors, bias refers to a reading the system gives even when no input should be present... but...
Then you create an offset of this bias to prevent an error.
Humans are biased systems.
We come preloaded, but not by springs or voltages, instead by memory, experiences, genes, expectations, fears, culture, religion, etc etc... but rarely do we ever insert the proper offsets to correct for those, and that's where we hit our errors.
Keep in mind, beliefs and biases are not the same thing. Beliefs are acknowledged, we know we have them, and they can be challenged, revised, or let go...
If we are mis-biased or not aware of any bias, we can’t interpret life clearly when our internal baseline is off, and this holds us back from many things.
True wisdom, and in my case, also healing, required both accepting and dismantling the unseen biases that perpetuated everything that was causing me pain, anxiety, stress, or even just that feeling that I’m wasting my life doing things I hate.
We often absorb other people's biases through expectations, traditions and complex systems, all which create new biases inside us to serve themselves, many times before we are old enough to make up our own minds, and almost always against our own instincts.
"Know thyself"
-Socrates
Introspection is key. I used to be told that questioning things was bad or judgmental, or that I just had a problem with authority... I was told to find the gold in every situation, to look for the silver lining, and to accept my role in life.
But questioning these things... zooming out and looking at what might be putting a bias or spin on even our own thinking isn't just smart... it’s survival, and it’s the only path to knowing oneself.
So let's look at a few... And before you judge me for speaking my mind, you need to consider that everything I’m writing is based on personal experience. I’m not here to rescue people, I’m not here to convince you of anything or change your mind, but maybe you can relate. YMMV.
Here's a few quick ones:
Justice Bias
“If I stay kind and loyal, eventually I’ll be rewarded, seen, or chosen…”
Nope. You’ll get used.
Normalcy Bias
“Sure, it’s bad, but it’ll pass. It always has all the other times...”
Sorry… you can’t predict the future, and patterns aren’t always repeated.
Survivorship Bias
“They found success by doing this... so I will too.”
The reality… they probably just got lucky, and also, they aren’t you.
Halo Effect
“This person is so special, I’m in love!”
You’ll see the real version of them once that fades. But in the meantime, you’ll lose your mind and sometimes do the dumbest things.
Self-Enhancement Bias
“I’m smarter/more resilient/more special... this won't happen to me.”
You are special… everyone is. (another way of saying nobody is). The truth? Very few actually are… and that’s what makes them so.
Self-Serving Bias
“It’s not me, it’s the world's fault.”
Sure… ok… *rolls eyes*
and then… there’s a big one.
Confirmation Bias
“I only see what fits the story I’ve already told myself.”
Inside of confirmation bias, we start noticing only the things that prove us right. One small gesture is enough to confirm they love or care about us, or one sale is enough to keep us from shutting down that business.
Many people think this is just about weaponizing new evidence to serve our existing narrative... or only seeing the good things… but in fact, I believe there's a more dangerous side.
A negative confirmation bias, the side that traps us in the very things we never wanted and tells us "it is what it is." which is just a less pathetic sounding way of saying you are simply lowering your standards and compromising.
Negative bias inadvertently makes our fears more likely to come true, and confirms them… because we stop looking for something better, and then we just convince ourselves that we are just being real, or practical.
The boy who becomes biased to believe that he's never enough… ends up drawn to people who make him feel exactly that, almost as a chance to prove otherwise... but instead, they take take take, empty him, belittle him, criticize and insult him, and now he has his confirmation. He’s never enough, and "It is what it is."
The girl who becomes biased to believe that she’s too much to handle, her dreams are too big or improper, and nobody would ever understand her... ends up with people who keep her grounded and treat her like an afterthought... "It is what it is," and when she shrinks her dreams and nothing ever changes, she has her confirmation, she’s too much.
Negative confirmation bias doesn’t just blind us, it builds prisons of “It is what it is” out of our own negative expectations, and then we decorate the walls with only the memories we’ve chosen to see... because after all... "I was right, the world does suck. There is no such thing as XYZ" (fill in the blank with whatever you thought wasn't possible.)
Confirmation bias doesn’t need evidence... it makes evidence. It sculpts the entire world into something familiar, even if that familiarity is pain and loss.
The moment you are biased against hope and happiness… “the whole world sucks, why even try!” … you’re screwed, because you’ll even start to attract others who feel the same.
But worst of all... negative confirmation bias ruins the relationship you have with yourself and your fears... because every time you prove your fear right, you believe it more than your true feelings or instincts.
Inside all of that “confirmation,” deep down we still yearn for escape... and that's the real evidence. That’s the proof that part of us knows better is possible.
Investment Bias, AKA Sunk Cost Fallacy
"I’m afraid that everything I’ve suffered and invested will mean nothing if I let go."
So we stay another year...then 10... 20… 30… forever? We don’t know how to bury something that’s still breathing, even if barely. So we sacrifice tomorrow to protect the illusion of yesterday.
Have you ever heard someone say “I’m in too deep, I can’t quit!”
If you're in too deep with something that's wrong, you need to stop digging and get out… full stop.
Don’t double down on what you know is wrong for you.
You know you hate your job, you know your idea or business isn’t working, you know you're not happy in your relationship, and because you've done it wrong for years, you're now deciding that you're just going to do it forever?
Maybe even throw on some band-aids, put on some rose colored glasses, “be the example” or the “bigger person” hoping things change and help it last longer, and invest even more?
Newsflash… people don’t change, and if you had to tell them how their actions affect you… then they didn’t care anyways. You shouldn’t have to tell people how you want to be treated, that’s bullshit. If they actually cared, they’d figure it out., they would be curious, they would want to learn your needs.
When people show you who they are, or how much they care, on their own, without you teaching them how to treat you… that’s who they are. Believe that, not the words or even the responses to your actions. Helping someone manufacture the desire to care is a ridiculous way to feel cared for… at that point, is it even real?
Good people, caring people, people who make you a priority… they won’t need any of that prompting, they will know.
Same goes for business, the market isn’t going to just magically love your product because you pretend it’s better than it is and convince them of it, unless you’re comfortable with lying to yourself and everyone else in some kind of “fake it till you make it“ scheme. But even if that works… You’re just left with a lie. Your success will be just as fake, and temporary. You’ll never be able to stop lying.
When we’re not jumping to our best life because we think we’re in too deep and can’t get out of the current one, we will do everything we can to try to make it work. It’s actually seen as noble, many people will encourage you to do just that. “never give up.”
I'm no stranger to this one either. I rode so many trains heading to nowhere, for way too long... and I’m not telling you to jump off yours, you are free to ride those for as long as you wish, and many normal people live lives they consider fulfilling while doing just that.
But to me, almost living is soul crushing.
You do you, but I’ll be damned if I I’m not at least honest with myself about it, else I might be tempted to get back on one of those trains to nowhere.
I’m no longer willing to go on that ride, I’m no longer willing to lie to myself about how happy I am inside of a situation that was making me not only stressed and anxious, but turning me into someone that I told my younger self that I’d never be...
The Illusion of Control
A favorite cognitive bias of control freaks, especially those with a dash of confirmation bias. The belief that you can control outcomes that are actually governed by chance or unknown complexity.
The little unknown cruelty of this bias is that it makes people stay in bad situations, believing their effort will rewrite the rules, when really... it's never going to change. It's actually a beautiful belief sometimes, and can be done for all the right reasons, but it gets us hurt.
And if we like to be in control... there's something else that creeps in. Self sabotage.
The reason many of us self sabotage is because it allows us to predict the future even inside of situations that felt out of our control.
The moment you make it a real business, the moment you throw that project out into the world, is the moment that it’s no longer solely in your hands... you lose control.
Failure, quitting, etc… it’s in your control, it’s the only outcome you could guarantee, because you can choose it.
There’s another layer to this, and that’s for those of us who like to control how we are seen.
Maybe we don’t like looking weak, or like a victim, or maybe we’re just afraid that if we are ever truly seen, completely... it wouldn’t be accepted.
The illusion of control is often about fear. The fear of asking for help, the fear of being known, or the fear of stepping into the center of who we really are, instead of just living on the edge… because what if it ends badly?
I personally think it would be much worse to have so much potential that slips into a meaningless indifference, than it would be to go for it, and risk failure.
But… it’s easier to go straight to the part where what we were afraid of happening just happens, and just get it over with… because at least then we don’t have to risk feeling out of control.
Biases Can Feel Like Superpowers
It’s so easy for truly brilliant people to believe they “just know it,” to believe that everyone else is wrong, to even start believing that the evidence is wrong. This is a powerful thing that makes amazing things possible, and in the right situation creates magical and successful businesses that change the world. Many of the greats like Steve Jobs for example were incredibly biased, no matter the evidence. And often he was proven right in the end.
But there’s a danger inside of this, as sometimes we just don’t get it right. Believing something against all evidence is sometimes noble, righteous, brave, etc.… But did you ever stop and think that sometimes, rarely, it might be stupid?
When it gets to a certain point, it’s not about ignoring other people‘s opinion anymore... and I’m all for rejecting the opinion of the masses, but here we’re talking about rejecting reality and substituting your own, until it smacks us (or someone else) in the face.
But once we recognize our own biases, and make our own internal offsets for them, they become less dangerous… we can even turn them into belief systems that actually empower us to do the impossible… and personally, I love making the impossible possible.
Biased by Intuitions or Emotion?
I’ve studied the difference between these recently, and I’ve tried to boil it down to a method of detecting which is which, and find out what I might be experiencing in a situation to better know how to respond without bias.
Knowledge is power, and knowing yourself is the beginning… so not understanding what is influencing your decisions would completely prevent you from becoming a powerful person who is in control of their life, and that’s when stress and anxiety get worse… not knowing.
So what about when something makes you feel uneasy, afraid, or anxious… is that intuition? Nope. The source of that is your emotions, and your emotions are lying to you like it’s their job. Feelings and emotions are NOT the same.
Intuition or gut feelings are more like instincts, and what that looks like is a sense of calm that comes over you because you just know something.
Gut feelings are a powerful tool to point us in the right direction, but if we feel them laced with stress and anxiety, chances are, that’s not actually our intuition… that’s our emotions, and any decisions made inside of there will be heavily biased.
The best example would be fear… Especially irrational fear, or fear of something that is extremely unlikely. I don’t know about you but every time I’ve made a “fear based“ decision, I’ve regretted it later… And every time I’ve made a decision to push through to something I knew was right, even though I was afraid, those were some of my best.
The best gut feelings to follow are the ones that you have a peace with... even if the moment brings fear. When you find a path that brings you peace as you walk it, even if that path is scary at times, keep walking… as far as you can, until that stress and anxiety is left behind so far it can’t even bother you anymore.
Soon you’ll realize that those fears were actually preventing you from getting to a place where you’re barely afraid of anything anymore.
When people say to follow your heart, I really believe this is what that looks like, it doesn’t look like scattering yourself to every wild emotion… it means pushing past fear, and trusting your gut… and sometimes it goes against conventional logic or cultural expectations.
Accepting Our Biases
I get it... and I've been there, sometimes you’re just unwilling to admit that one thing is wrong or was just something we were biased to... but what if we simply can’t admit it because it means so many other things would also be wrong… it would become very eye opening.
Our cognitive bubbles would be popped, and most people can’t handle that... but for me, I'm going to embrace it. I’m ready to re-calibrate my sensors with new offsets… to stop riding the wrong trains and digging deeper holes.
Because it feels like the person I’m becoming has been waiting on me to figure this out for decades, so I can truly say good morning to a life that makes me excited to wake up.
Alright, that was all for now Rebel.
By the way… only a few know where the Rebel Speakeasy is. And now you’re one of them—grab a drink and let’s talk. We meet every Wednesday in live audio spaces on X.
Hope to see you there!
- Ani & Rick
RebelSpeakeasy.com by Ani • Rick
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