Identity: Who Do You Think You Are?
Most people walk through life like an echo of others...
Many of us are handed identities like uniforms, told what matters, rewarded when we comply, and of course punished when we don’t.
The world wants us to mold ourselves into a version of what’s expected—marketable, predictable, and categorized. And in the process, we hide our true selves away somewhere.
Sadly... most never find it again...
It's Not an Easy Process
Who is our true self? Our “real” identity…? We don’t discover it by accident...
It takes risk, resistance, and sometimes conflict. A confrontation with the self that’s been buried under years of social camouflage.
You don’t find yourself until you push back against the version of you that was built to be liked, praised, or controlled.
The real you is most likely inconvenient... maybe asks uncomfortable questions, even of yourself. It doesn’t fit in a LinkedIn bio or CV slide deck. That real version is more wild, maybe even reckless... but maybe it’s also the only version of you that can actually create something that matters.
If you don’t discover yourself, you’ll become whatever others push onto you... and most people aren’t doing that for your benefit or even based on truth of what they see in you. They’re projecting based on what’s useful to them, to fit you into a box of cultural norms, consumer logic, and other programming.
Which means... if you don’t choose who you are, someone else will do it for you, and fit you neatly up on their shelf of useful consumers, minions, and normies who are never at risk of changing the world.
Self-Discovery is Continual
Self reflection and continuous improvement are common habits of successful people, but this requires feedback loops—both good and bad.
If I had to choose only one between criticisms or compliments, I would choose criticism.
Criticisms allow you to identify your potential weakness and learn from it... they shouldn’t defeat you—they should simply be another variable in your continuous discovery and improvement loop. In the same way, good feedback needs to be monitored to make sure people are not just being overly kind or protecting your feelings.
The harder part? Knowing who to actually listen to.
Not all criticism is created equal... just because someone has an opinion doesn’t mean it’s worth your time. You wouldn’t take diet advice from a fat person(maybe could ask them where to get a good burger). You wouldn’t hire a life coach whose own life is a wreck (although this is very common for some reason), and you shouldn’t let someone who’s faking their way through mediocrity make you feel less than them.
There are also those nefarious types who criticize often, just for control... they even mask it as care or help, but it’s not. Sometimes they’re just trying to manage what they fear by cutting the scary bits out of you. They’ll offer "honest feedback" laced with hidden resentment, jealousy, or fear. You can feel it in your gut when their words aren't really about helping you... they're about diminishing the true you.
Then there is something else to consider…
We have very little control of the version of us that exists in someone else’s mind… if they want to think something about us, they will, regardless of what we show, most people will automatically try and categorize us.
Consider The Sources
We need to vet the source.
Are they trying to pin labels on you and judge you against some standard?
Are they where you want to be, should you even care?
Do they speak from experience or from ego?
Are they helping—or are they trying to control you under the guise of critique?
We need to filter out these bad types of criticism.
Also, if you’re searching for sources… don't be afraid to look in a bookstore... and I don't just mean self help books. Books don’t just teach, they reveal.
Even fiction, especially fiction, can show you sides of yourself you didn’t know were there. You don’t have to do what the characters do... You don’t even have to agree with their choices. But sometimes, a sentence, a flaw, a moment of madness or courage... it grabs you. It reflects something back that you’ve buried or never noticed about yourself. This very thing has happened to me while reading fiction, and it helped me grow and see myself better.
Those revelations are the kind of knowledge you can’t summarize in bullet points. It changes how you see yourself, and once you see it—you can’t unsee it.
Continuous Improvement Requires Self-Awareness
The moment you exit continuous improvement, you are deciding to stop growing into the best version of your true unique self.
We need to be willing to see our own flaws, and decide to either own them or fix them.
Don’t be that person that clocks in and clocks out of your entire life to serve the expectations of others, never thinks about how and why you got there, and never knows how unique and successful you could have been if you were more you.
Next time you make a choice for your future, truly think about WHO and WHAT is shaping your decision making, make sure it includes your voice... not just expectations of others, or even guru logic or self-help steps.
Sometimes we don’t need more goals, consistency, or routines... we need more clarity.
Sometimes we don’t need more motivation or persistence... we need more honesty.
Because once you really know who you are—you stop asking for permission, stop needing validation, and stop mimicking what worked for someone else who isn’t you.
When You Are Rare, You Are Most Valuable
The most valuable thing you’ll ever build is the best unique version of you...
So start there.
How? I'll tell you how I do it... maybe you'll resonate.
If you are scared... stay in the room with your fear, until your eyes adjust and you see what it really is.
If you feel brave, or even just curious... move toward what you love... good things will be there for you.
If you want to speak, first listen to the voice that hasn’t been trained to say the only the "right" things, be real, but be kind.
And if you find pain and sadness... invite it in, maybe have a drink and a conversation with it... see what it wants, but then make sure that bastard leaves.
So stop trying to be like everyone else... "normal" should be an insult, not a goal... ignore the haters.
Be the strange and wonderful you…
that’s the one the world actually needs…
that’s the version we’re here for...
and I hope we get to meet them.
Alright, that was all for now Rebel.
By the way… only a few know where the Rebel Speakeasy is. And now you’re one of them—grab a drink and let’s talk. We meet every Wednesday in live audio spaces on X.
Hope to see you there!
- Rick & Ani
P.S. — we’d love to hear your rebel stories as well, so if you can’t join in or audio spaces, or would rather stay hidden… head over to Rebel Confessions—a completely anonymous space to share it all.
We’ll pick the most badass ones to feature in the newsletter or chat about them in our weekly X Spaces. No judgement and no filters. Drop your story and let’s get real.
RebelSpeakeasy.com by Ani • Rick
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